As bell hooks has taught us, love is not just an emotion but a transformative force. In her seminal work, All About Love: New Visions, hooks redefines love as “the will to nurture our own and another’s spiritual growth.” Love is seen as both an intention and an action. By intention, we need to put ourselves first by paying attention to our emotions and feelings, nurturing ourselves mentally, physically and emotionally. And by action, we must identify our needs and actively seek them to keep ourselves aligned and prevent the weight from systems of oppression to seep in.
The lessons we learn in love can also be used as healing tools. Introducing genuine unconditional love as an anti-oppressive tool can be life changing and keep systems of oppression at bay. Shifting the focus to authentic self-love can redefine our perspectives of love. Therapists understand the many attributes of repressive love and its affects. We help to deconstruct this negative viewpoint rooted in the mental, spiritual and emotional subconscious. Let’s discuss a few ways we can change the tide and lead with genuine love, using it as an act of collective liberation.
Love as a healing tool
To heal, love must be present. True love heals. It can also lead to a regenerative state—renewal across the board. Black people and POC are constantly marginalized, left battling with daily experiences of social inequalities and societal oppression. But when love is used as a healing tool, it can lead us back to self-discovery and safe spaces that allow us to grow vulnerably without discrimination and discernment.
In therapy, we provide a safe space to explore the many facets of how love can contribute to your healing process. Including:
Encouraging self-compassion as a foundational element of healing
Practicing self-compassion is the foundational building block of a healing journey. Self-compassion is the act of giving yourself the same love, compassion and mindfulness you would give to someone you love. Know that you are deserving of reciprocity. Be understanding with yourself. Be aware of your feelings and how you respond to yourself (ex: warm, rather than self-critical). As the human race, we are far from perfect. Share in your experiences—whether good or bad. Refrain from isolating yourself and know that imperfection is a common thread in humanity. Laying down self-compassion as the first layer of your foundational element will present a solid foundation to build off of.
Modeling authentic connection through a non-judgemental and empathetic presence
Compassionate and authentic communication helps build stronger relationships and connections. Understanding the perspectives and emotions of others helps you to identify their thoughts and feelings. By opening yourself freely to someone, you’re inviting them to authentically connect with you. In creating a non-judgemental and empathetic relationship, you’re fostering trust and building upon deeper connections. Actively listen to others and the same will be granted to you. It conveys that everyone’s experiences are valued. Cultivating a non-judgemental space with open dialogue produces a trustworthy environment of understanding and acceptance.
Exploring relational dynamics to uncover and unlearn internalized systems of power
We decolonize oppressive systems by unlearning internalized systems of power. Rethinking our awareness and what we’ve been taught can lead to uncovering new approaches to self-perception. Sharing, speaking and believing truthful and supportive knowledge about ourselves can create awareness-based systems of change. We want to disrupt the system and reclaim power. Whether it’s oppression by deprivation or systemic levels, overt or subtle, these internalized experiences need to be dismantled to override power structures. How we relate to each other emotionally, behaviorally and through shared values will reshape our thought process. Letting go of what doesn’t serve us can only help us.
Love in action
Using the above mentioned tools and more, therapists help clients heal practicing radical acceptance and advocacy. This means offering supportive and judgement-free spaces to share client wins and loses; helping them succeed away from the therapy room. Actively using love as a healing tool promotes a routine practice of self-exploration and transformative revelations.
One of hooks’ core messages is that systems of oppression thrive when we are disconnected from love. White supremacy, patriarchy, and capitalism all distort our capacity to love ourselves and others. Anti-oppressive therapy invites clients to interrogate these forces, fostering greater self-awareness and empowering them to reclaim their right to love.
